Updated `10 Aug. 22
A BAKER'S DOZEN
The term `Bakers Dozen' originated when bakers would give a person an extra one if they bought twelve.
A FEW MORE (BAKER'S DOZENS OF HUMOUR) FROM BEAR'S READERS
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THIS BAKER'S DOZEN
Courtesy of: Midge
Two girls talking.
The red head says, "I slept with a Brazilian".
The blonde replies, "Oh! oh, you slut!"
.....
"How many is a Brazilian?"
Courtesy of: Gary and Cheryl
GOES AROUND
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A PPS FILE
END
Courtesy of: Barry W.
A Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The Cow: "I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The Ant: "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
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Why are you scrolling down?
It's your turn to say something...
Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada
A Saskatchewan guy went out duck hunting in the Fall and a gust of wind blew, his gun fell over and discharged shooting him in his private parts.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
<"Not exactly," answered the doctor.
"She's a flute player in the Regina Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."
Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada
Some people learn by reading,.
Some people learn by watching, and
Some people just have to piss on the electric fence to see for themselves......
Today's safety lesson......
N-E-V-E-R, E-V-E-R,
urinate on a 220 watt 3 phase electric fence!
THEY HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED
AND WILL BE THE SENSATION OF THE SEASON
W's NEW COLLECTION OF SUNGLASSES FOR 2010
Courtesy of: Doreen W.
A PHOTOGRAPHER TAKES PICTURES AT A WEDDING
Photo courtesy of: PRINT ROOM
During a recent password audit, it was found that a young blonde was using the following password:
Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada
What did you expect?
A picture of a bird!?
From me?
NOT LIKELY!
Courtesy of: Barry W.
When I was a child, I loved show-and-tell.
Courtesy of: Elmer H.
Dr. Calvin R., a scientist from State University , invented a bra that would keep women's breasts from jiggling and prevent their nipples from pushing through the fabric when the weather was cold.
Courtesy of: Ed M.
Courtesy of: Ed M.
MORE HUMOUR FROM BEAR'S READERS
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Please come back and visit again!
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyOttawa@skrim.usa"
When asked why she had such a long password, she replied,
"I was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."
So, as a teacher, I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and, usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Children bring in; pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, place any boundaries or limitations on them.. If they want to lug it in to school, and talk about it, they're welcome.
One day, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, took her turn and waddled up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She held up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
Erica is standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
The children are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" (Now Erica is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
"My Dad called the middle wife.. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) "And then, pop!
My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (Erica has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff .
They said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
After a news conference, announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and gave him a royal bashing.
They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.
It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."
Both families are devastated.
He claims it wasn't his fault, his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.
The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in twice a week!"
His wife asked, "What is that?"
Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"
"Well done, son," I said, "I hope you wore something?"
He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"
While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!"
She replied, "No, but I have!"
Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!
Her mother sasks, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"
The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"
Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"
all four cans hit him on the head!
His funeral is next Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.
I asked for a bomber jacket.
So that black kids can also have messy faces .
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